What You Want

by Options

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02:15
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02:09
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01:39
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01:41
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02:07
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02:43
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01:09
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about

This album is the culmination of a little more than two years worth of work. After recording it, rerecording it, mixing it, loving it, hating it, not knowing when to quit, crashed harddrives, lost files, working harder, working smarter, and just about everything else on the emotional spectrum, I'm finally ready to set it free. I hope you enjoy it.

Thank you to my bandmates for helping me to expand what I'm capable of as a musician, for helping me fully realize these songs, and for being great people. Thank you to my friends for your support, love, input, and patience. Thank you to all the wonderful folks who've written me emails - your notes always seem to come at times when I need a pick-me-up the most. Thank you to the planet Earth for continuing to sustain life and giving me a chance to live out my silly dreams.

credits

released 11 July 2013
All songs written, played, and mixed by Seth Engel
Mastered by Adam Salsberg
Cover art by Seth Engel
Recorded 12/2012 - 6/2013 at The Owlery by Seth Engel
Additional vocals by Seth Engel and Adam Salsberg
Additional recording at The Owlery by Adam Salsberg.

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about

Options Chicago

Options began in 2008 as the solo project of multi-instrumentalist Seth Engel. He's released several albums with varying sonic approaches, and most often records and mixes his music as well.

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Track Name: Taking a Break
i've been taking a break, oh what a waste.
running circles for weeks, and now i'm hardly awake.
the longer I wait, the more time it takes
to formulate thoughts, do what I say

my room is a mess, unlike my head -
i've been sorting out problems and making more sense.
It's warmer again, I'm using my pen
to chronicle thoughts, tighten loose ends.
Track Name: Iceberg
Every morning,
I believe that I need to change, but every night I wind up stuck in my old ways.
My afternoons are always all the same, and when midnight rolls around, I'm the only place to blame.
I haven't been able to sleep at night without feeling like I just wanna start a fight.
Temper, temper, I know. I wish. But something inside is just about to give

You're so shallow, I can see right through.
I'll just laugh at all the shit you think you can pull.
And I don't wanna wait around for things to change,
But sometimes I am just my own weight.

I keep blowing every chance I get,
I'll wait too long and you'll find someone else instead.
More than a little unconfident,
I pick up steam, and hit that iceberg once again.
I haven't been able to get in bed
without wishing for some shit that's like a movie or in my head.
And yeah, I am a little out of step,
but it's way too hard to find that kind of depth.
Track Name: No Problem
in the water, I started to swim
it was scary but i jumped right in.
doing dives instead of sinking
down to the bottom
when it's shallow, I came up for air
looked around and you're still there.
It's relieving to know.

I didn't mean for it to seem like maybe I was walking out again
Please know that I I have no bad feelings or malicious intentions
Miscommunication has no basis, and I'm trying to discern
What we didn't mean to say, mistakes we make, and feelings to unlearn.

I was frightened but I didn't yell
i didn't know just what to tell myself
like all of the hollow ships bottoming out
A waste of space, a matter of time,
I've no desire to rewind
Moving forward, but still can look behind
Track Name: The Wire
coming close to the finish line
adrenaline pumping one more time
I'm at my peak when I'm down the line
but now's the time to shine
coming down to the wire again,
the only time things are happening.
sit on my ass, and I won't stop

until my legs feel uptight
and 'till the day has lost the light and
I promise I'm doing alright

waiting now for the kitchen sink
to clean itself, I'm not doing a thing
the pots and pans might not agree
but they're not saying a thing.
Track Name: Horizon
the torrent is sweeping me out to the vast horizon
unfortunately plain to see through the shrouded distance
and when and when it comes to what it will i know what course to take?
and when we grind to a halt, I'll hold on to no mistakes

keep on searching for clarity, or honesty, or something worth remembering.
keep on finding what I am not trying to seek - anything and everything.

dried up, then soaked all again, this cycle's only resolved
to repeat itself until all I can hear are the sobs.
not acting quickly enough, tell me what I didn't know.
It is a shame that all your surprises have gotten dull.
Track Name: Shapes and Patterns
I just think in shapes and patterns
It's not all that complicated,
but I never could do the math.
It's not all that big a deal
so I'll stand on this platform, and soon I'll be on my way
I've been thinkin 'bout just not thinking at all
I think it's time to let my guard fall
Wait for your call
Hoping that you won't shy away or stall
I've been waiting instead of making a change,
I'll look to you when I should find my own way.
Winter wears me out,
but it's nothing to worry about.

I've been feeling like just another number
in an endless queue of things to do
Track Name: Pencilmarks Fade
Sleeping with the lights on, passed out on the couch.
Waking up, my head felt like a sack of bricks, like a thousand pounds.
Feeling like a picture doesn't take much time.
Again, I discover everything I try to say gets convoluted anyway.

When I try to retrace all my thoughts,
pencilmarks fade.
When I wanna discover where I've gone,
It'll be late.

Cause lately I haven't been sure of what I should,
been sure I'm doing good.
Track Name: This Old Thing
Well, I hope no one is gonna see this old thing,
I almost hope it burns, forgotten.
I don't think I can just brush it off.
Things like this will stick here for a while.

I need more time to define the divide
To see the world, let my shoes get dusty,
clean the spills and the stains.
Now I'm making a way, I see what to do with myself.
Come on now, where's my motivation? Gotta find what's worthwhile.
Seems everyone's aboard someone else's tide.
Track Name: Grab It
you're ice cold, sure told me so.
and I can't say what my mind holds.
sense of wonder permeates my headspace.
not enough strength to hold up the roof.

or the crumbling walls,
or the rotted out door;
foundations unstable.
and the light,
oh the flickering beam.
soon amongst all the burn outs,
the heaps of dreams of being something.

never doubt
myself and all the
qualities in which I lack
appeal at all.
tear through drawers but
it's just no use.
And I've had enough
time

to settle with my means.
come to terms with the feel
of owning misgivings.
I'm the dust that sparkles in the sun
from the afternoon clouds.

all the opportunities in the world could fall right into my lap,
and a boosted ego's of no use when I'm fevered in my cabin.
all the blue in the sky could pass me and i wouldn't even grab it.
Track Name: Lesson
The most important lesson I've learned is that nothing's worth fighting for.
Maybe it seems absurd, but my heart's finally hit the floor.
Motivationally dependent on something more.
I hear what you say, but I can't listen anymore.

I wish I could make something honest out of this
instead of sinking into shallows and balling fists.
I'm only trying to smile, but instead,
I am getting pissed.
Listless in bigger increments.

It'd be nice to keep my calm, sing along to the melodies in my head,
but they're a chorus of shrieks.
Track Name: In Time Out
if you'd like to take a while,
listen to the motions of dust,
the particles that sound
when we're still here.
given, I might rather fly
freely through the windy breeze,
sail over the open seas and find us out.

not in time, not out.
only more.
the fine line you've drawn has been
pulled
out
from
under
you.
Track Name: What You Want
it's freezing
my hands are cold and cracked now.
I forgot
the words that'll make me come around.
where is
the productivity exalted?
it's obvious
I've worked my fingers till exhausted.

It's hard to get out of this. 
feeling a long storm brewing.
sad sack full of bliss
keeping the long dream running

call it what you want,
it wont be enough.
Track Name: Stranger
I've fallen down, surprise,
but picked myself up again.
trial by choice, trial by fire.
it's time to find
a way to push though the thick and then
come out alive, refreshing reminder
done right takes time, I've learned. I haven't been giving in.
holding my breath, pauses extended.
high time to ride, to get my head in the game again
the weeks are all blurred, so take off my blinders.

but I know well, how to sell myself too short,
how to pre-empt all the words that matter.
(heart says too much)
you take your time, while I batter down the door,
while I move on, still unsure as ever.
(blindfold back on)
Track Name: Enough
In letting go, I've reaffirmed again, restated
I've come to know that cutting ties is overrated.
some months ago, too busy getting all too lazy
in thought, I knew
i've got to run instead of standing still

never enough,
ever enough
times that i've stuck
up for our love.
got to give up
habits that stuck.
i'll write it off,
use what I've got.

I reawoke, or thought I did, but who's to say it?
written in ink, in that black book, signed up and dated.
5 years ago I never thought that I would make it
but now I'm sure I'll do what I will do until I keel.

got to own up;
ought to grow up.
but in what world,
a hollowed out trunk ?
could I come up
with better luck?
probably not,
- love what I've got.
Track Name: Building
Philly's filling me up
and I'm giving a fuck
about the days to come.
Sitting down on my luck ,
deep down in a rut,
but I'm praying those days are done.
Feeling too often stuck, like a stick in the mud,
in the oceans of cold.
Lately been wondering why, always delaying goodbyes,
but I'll weigh in when phased to stun.

I want what I need and I need some relief,
and if you could just see,
I'd get what I need.
I've got lots to work out, to shatter my doubts,
dehydrate those clouds allays hanging over me.

I know you believe in some of the things that I can achieve,
but all I care about right now is building something for me.
Track Name: Setup
maybe jealousy has my number
maybe I'm too gone too care
tell myself nothing is a bother,
but I see you there.
indifference is just so appealing
falling for all the traps life set.
giving into all the feelings
trapped in my head

take it too far, knowing my limitations
you're so goddamn smart, know you could take it elsewhere.
sit by myself, reflect on all my failures
setting it up, breaking it down.
Track Name: Doesn't Matter
You think
it doesn't matter, and I'll just say whatever,
but it does make me feel an awful lot.
more than i need
to be dealing with right now, but so it goes (and it goes too often).
give me a minute to cool down now, I'm fogging up my lenses.
I'm trying to understand your thoughts,
they don't really add up.
still i'd like to make sense of the mess I've made.
everything goes the way it will, and I can't change whatever.
so it'll go. I'm losing consciousness and drifting to my destination.

Okay. I'll remain. Unsafe to sustain.
I've realized that truthfullness ties in with everything).

I'll sleep
but not enough, never enough to call your bluff.
I'm not
content with killing useful time.
Can't tell
if what I'm saying's getting through or lost on you.
Do you care? Does it still matter? Do you even hear me?